Cassie: Part 19

Ignoring the voice in my head, I said, “Let me get this straight. Surrender or die, right? If we surrender what happens then? Do we die anyway? Are you going to hold us for ransom, or what?”

Addressing the voice, I asked, What can you do? And make it quick, I’m in the middle of something.

“No stalling. If you don’t make your choice, you choose death.”

My luck to run into the one super-villain in the world who noticed when you tried to get him talking.

“Yeah, well, if you kill us, you’ll never know where the people we freed went.”

“We’ve got sensors that show they’re still in the room. Got that? No more talking. You have until two. One…”

“Okay, I—”

And then I could barely think. It’s not that I wasn’t thinking. I had too much to think about. The thing I’d been talking to telepathically (or the thing that had been talking to me)? It was a talking gun. Because that’s what every advanced combat force wants, right? A gun that can make conversation.

In response to my question, it had jammed its whole freaking history into my head–including stats on its common uses, best firing angles, and effectiveness in different atmospheres and gravities ranging from Earth’s oxygen/nitrogen mix to vacuum.

I saw it held by humans, beings that looked like humans, but not quite, and another race with grayish skin and five limbs (though that wasn’t their only form).

Abominators. Dad told me how the League fought them once. Damn.

I wasn’t asking for an epic. All need to do is shoot some people. And why are you talking to me anyway?

YOU BEAR THE CITIZEN’S MARK.

I don’t even know what that is.

YOU DON’T NEED TO. IT’S WOVEN INTO YOUR VERY BEING. SIMPLY BY TOUCHING YOUR MIND, I RECOGNIZE YOUR STATUS AS A PRODUCT OF THE WORKSHOPS OF ARTAXUS THE UNHALLOWED, SCION OF THE EIGHTH LINEAGE SIRED IN THE IMAGE OF MAGNETUS THE PURIFIER.

IN AN EARLIER AGE, I WOULD HAVE BURNED YOU DOWN IN THE SERVICE OF MY CREATOR—METRICITUS THE CHOSEN, SCION OF THE SIXTH LINEAGE OF MAGNETUS.

NOW? LET US WORK TOGETHER TO TURN THESE UNFINISHED CREATURES TO ASHES. AN ALLIANCE OF THE LAST REMNANTS OF RIVALS! HA! IT WILL BE GLORIOUS.

If they all talked that much, the Abominators must have died from being windbags.

From the doorway, the glowing man said, “I what?”

He’d walked a little further in since I’d last paid attention, and the Nine’s men followed him, but not too closely.

“I surrender. You’ve got us.”

“Don’t think I won’t kill you if this is a trick.”

“No trick. He’s got us, right?” I looked over at Rod.

He sat down on the desk he’d been using to hold himself up. “He’s got us.”

Glowing man nodded slowly. “Then where’s the girl and the kids we’d imprisoned?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “They’re invisible.”

That would have been the moment for me to jump back, and grab the gun off the shelf in the back of the room. It would have, if Rod hadn’t been there.

I’d have been able to make the jump. It was maybe twenty feet from us at max, but as hurt as he was, the glowing guy could grab Rod before I made it.

I thought maybe I could tell the glowing man I’d left something important back by the shelves, but what were the chances he’d let me get it?

There had to be some way, but my brain froze. I couldn’t think of anything.

The man said, “OK, invisible people. The game’s up. Become visible or I torch your friends, starting with Mr. Troll here.”

Before Rod and I went into the hall, I’d told Sam to use lightning if she had any left. She didn’t then, but when the man began to lift a tendril toward Rod?

A thunderclap shook the room, shaking the shelves, while the light blinded everybody.

Except me.

Still seeing spots, I jumped over a desk, and ran for the shelves.

It sat on the fifth shelf—a little higher than my head. Made of the same shimmery blue-green metal as their power impregnator, it didn’t look like the weapon of a legendary race of tyrants.

It looked like an accessory for Space Soldier Barbie.

I picked it up, and I could feel its shape adjusting to fit me as I pulled it up to my shoulder.

DIE UNFINISHED MONGRELS! I WILL BURN YOU WITH THE HEAT OF A THOUSAND SUNS!

Oh, shut up, alien death machine.

17 thoughts on “Cassie: Part 19”

  1. Called it…….and thats a rather ominous devellopment both in Cassie’s origin and in her using abominator tech.

  2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86hc1ADnp6s
    Man, I missed that guy. One of my favorites from Old World Blues. Undoubtedly the voice of our gun up there too. Or relative. Or alternate-universe equivalent. Either way, I want that voice in your heads as you read those lines to yourselves.

    Looks like the DNA thing was right on.

    I’d been wondering where Sam was during all the fighting. I must admit, I plan on a similar line to Cassie’s “where the people we freed went.” if I’m ever held hostage or have been wounded.

    “Now you’ll never know where I buried the treasure!”

  3. At some point, I just started hearing the alien death machine’s lines as read by Brian Blessed.

    It’s glorious. He should definitely get the role when this is made into a movie.

  4. Wow. Any of the above would be cool. I’d never heard of the game Psycho Gecko pointed to. Hadn’t realized a game would go that far toward being funny.

    I also hadn’t ever seen Flash Gordon, but that was easy to find on Youtube too.

    Brian Blessed is funny and would be hilarious. Ditto Alan Rickman.

    As for myself, all I knew was that I heard a voice for the character that had a British accent. Not sure why. There’s no reason for an alien death machine to have a British accent. Well, other than an awful lot of Dr. Who episodes.

    The major requirement would be that the person be slightly over the top and (hopefully) funny.

  5. Everything has to be a British accent, I swear. From Romans to aliens, all of them have to speak like Brits. That was one of the two things I liked about that movie The Eagle. Neutral or American accenting. Made just as much sense as using British accents for ancient Latin speakers.

    The other thing, of course, was the awesomely well-done first battle scene where they actually fought, more or less, like Roman soldiers did.

    Still, I’m beginning to suspect that the REAL meaning of the phrase “The sun never sets on the British Empire” has something to do with steampunk-ish British space colonies.

    And Jim, I suggest checking out other voices in Old World Blues. Hilarious DLC for Fallout: New Vegas. My favorite is Muggy, but the it’s a funny cast of characters. You have to hear Dr. Borous too. He’s just so over the top.

    *Meanwhile, on the moon, a thin man in a jumpsuit with neon lines running over it jumps up after peering through a telescope, stroking his handlebar mustache. “Bully, they’re actually on to us!” He then grabs his top hat and runs to warn his superiors. An opening appears in what would normally be the left eye of the “Man in the Moon” from which a large gun barrel peeks out, the words “The Sun Never Sets” carved onto the side, and fires a giant bullet, hoping to hit one wierdo in particular…*

  6. @PG: Sometimes you worry me.

    @Jim: “the Abominators must have died from being windbags.” I literally laughed so hard that my sides hurt.

  7. @Jim you should have shut down the site to protest. What will happen to the future of online serials if authors don’t stand against this new act that congress is putting out?

  8. IC: Weaving would also be good. It’s amusing to imagine the guy who did Agent Smith/Elrond doing it.

    PG: I will look into the game.

    Luke: Cool. Personally my favorite line was about “Space Soldier Barbie,” but I liked that a lot too.

    Someguy: In TV Tropes, they’ve got “Talking Weapon” which holds both concepts I guess.

    Captain Mystic: You know, in retrospect maybe I should have. That said, I’m less worried about it at present due to Obama coming out against it. A presidential veto would end the present bill. On the other hand, I’m sure the movie studios and others will continue to try to do things like SOPA and PIPA.

    The funny thing is, I’m against piracy, but I think the current bills go much too far in their attempt to prevent it. They’re going for overkill instead of actually solving the problem.

  9. Ah, yes, SOPA and PIPA. A wise man who was supposedly Confucious but probably isn’t is once quoted as saying, “Never use an axe to remove a fly from a friend’s forehead.” and that’s what those two are. An axe to remove a fly, which would inadvertently cleave through our brains. I’m not so confident President Obama would veto them. After all, we saw how much he was against indefinite detention. He even wrote it down after signing it into law. Makes me feel so much better.

    But you hardly ever hear about people who are for piracy. Where’s the spokesman in favor of it?

    Well, it’s time for the supervillains to stand up for the underdogs once again. Blackbeard, pirate. Black Bart, pirate. Captain Morgan, drunk pirate.

    For all that is good and holy, like the Joker Blogs and pornography, I support online piracy! Also, it’s the only means to combat an equally great menace…online ninjas.

    I swear, it’s almost like they choose names in order to force people into a tricky atmosphere of either agreeing to go along with it for its name, or sounding like they’re for something really bad. I can help clear up some other issues like that.

    I’m not pro-life, I’m anti-life, bitches. Darkseid 2012!

    I’m anti-gun! The sword lobby has me paid up in full.

    I’m pro-cancer! He’s the only one of the Zodiac that still returns my calls. *sniffle* I miss you so very, very much, Virgo.

    I’m pro-pane! Gotdangit, Bobby, you just can’t go wrong with the smooth, clean taste of propane. Taste the meat, not the heat.

    I’m anti-choice. Nope, they all gotta have abortions. Only way to keep the Antichrist from being born. It’s gonna be hard, but sometimes it takes a villain to save the world.

    (PS, I do think Joker Blogs fits. Awesome youtube series, but it’s pretty clearly picking up on the Joker from the Dark Knight, which means problems with whatever studio made that interpretation, and of course problems with DC. Remember, comics publishers are the guys who won Captain Marvel in a lawsuit for being considered too similar to Superman. Aren’t you glad our internet superheroes have similarities to ones in comics? Ok, it might not happen, but it damn well could. What, paranoid, that’s ridiculous?…WHO TOLD YOU I WAS PARANOID, I WANT NAMES?!)

  10. It looked like an accessory for Space Soldier Barbie.
    And, DIE UNFINISHED MONGRELS! I WILL BURN YOU WITH THE HEAT OF A THOUSAND SUNS!

    Oh, shut up, alien death machine.

    Had me laughing pretty hard. I love them.

  11. Certain lines demand to be used. The lines about Space Soldier Barbie and “Oh, shut up, alien death machine,” passed through my mind long before writing the actual post.

    The gun’s lines were pretty much improvised as necessary.

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