Legion of Nothing Short Story on Drew Hayes’ Site

While Drew’s Tuesday night update is on break, he’s letting other people fill the space. My story appeared tonight. It’s a short story with Nick and Daniel that takes place around the time period of the current story, but isn’t connected to it.

http://www.drewhayesnovels.com/guestposts/jimzoetewey

7 thoughts on “Legion of Nothing Short Story on Drew Hayes’ Site”

  1. Great story as always, but there’s two standing points: first, the bimper-grabbing paragraph’s wording is a bit awkward, especially in light of your usual output. Streamlining and shortening a bit would help the flow. Also, for some reason Nick reverts to first person when discussing oracular powers. Maybe Grandpa.Van der Sloot was right in worrying about the effects of excessive telepathy in growing minds? ;P

    1. I’m afraid that it’s going to stay the way it is on Drew’s site for the foreseeable future. I don’t want to make him change it. That said, you do make a couple points that I’ll have to make clearer.

      With regards to Nick being in first person though, that’s for a reason. He’s comparing himself to Oedipus. Nick, like Oedipus, doesn’t have oracular abilities. People around him do. The fact that a comparison is going on could be made more obvious though.

  2. Interesting story…

    Suggests Nick and Daniel are willing to do some marginally criminal things. You might want to consider better describing the shopping carts. There’re a lot of things described in that way, but I suspect you mean the large four-wheeled metal mesh variety, big enough that a small child could lie down in the bottom (I’ve seen them described as ‘100 liter’; about 26 US gallons?). These cost about 150 USD each. Writing-off a few of these would be a lot of money – most kids would have difficulty paying that out of pocket money. The amount of money stores have to put into providing and maintaining these is quite significant, but, because there are so many of them I think human psychology tends to think of them as almost disposable.

    Sorry, I think I’ve said enough about shopping carts/trolleys, now. [grin]

    1. That’s totally okay. I probably should have done more description of the shopping carts. I know that LoN has international readership, and that some words are different–though I’d largely forgotten that in the UK “shopping carts” are referred to as trolleys.

      As for the fact that they are willing to do that… Well, the story was inspired by the fact that I knew kids in high school that would take shopping carts, pushing them with the front of their cars, and aiming them at a lamppost in the parking lot to see if they’d hit. Sometime they’d aim them at the concrete curbs at the edge of parking lots and see if they could flip them over…

      I then went with, “Well, how might kids with superpowers kill time?”

  3. Interesting so is nick going to be able to do this always now? Being able to use telekinetic while in the presence of Daniel?

    1. Not exactly. While they are more connected than Daniel is to most people, on some level Daniel has to be open to the possibility, and Nick has to want to–which he mostly doesn’t.

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